Prompt Halluljah 2 of 4 up
by DrusillaSnaps
Summary: Mordern day fic. Its Merlin and Arthurs wedding day, and they are on the dance floor ready for their first dance as a married couple. Continues with their life with their newborn daughter. Chapter 2/4 now up! WARNING MENTIONS OF SELF HARM AND PND
1. Remember when I moved in you

Prompt – Hallelujah

(Note – Not one on my prompts from this sire, it is a prompt from a friend who was listening to the Bon Jovi version of this song while reading some Merlin fan fiction)

Morden day Merlin/Arthur songfic. (Never written a songfic before, so I hope it's okay!)

**

The entire town of Camelot was gathered in the town's biggest rentable venue. They were watching the happy couple as they took to the stage for their first dance as a married couple.

The town had become very taken with their new major, and his now husband. Never before had they had a major who was willing to push the boundaries' in such a way as Arthur Pendragon did. He was their first gay major, and he had legalised same-sex marriages. His new husband was a warlock, and he had lifted the ban on the practice of magic that had been law in the town since early civilisation. And they loved him for it. Sure he was arrogant, slightly selfish, and sometimes downright rude! But he had a heart of gold, and the residences of his town were, with the exception of Merlin, the most important people in the world to him.

Together, hand in hand, Merlin and Arthur descended the stair case that lead to the dance floor. Both had smiles on their faces that reached their ears. People around them couldn't help but smile. The love that the happy couple shared was apparent to all. The couple were now centre stage, waiting for the music to begin...

"Maybe we should have taken dance lessons before the wedding!" Merlin whispered in a hushed voice as behind them, the DJ turned on his decks. Arthur beamed. Merlin look absolutely terrified... and couldn't look cuter for it.

"Don't be silly Merlin. You have such a sieve for a brain; you'd never remember the moves when it came time for us to dance." He teased as he reached up to affectionately stroke his new husbands face. Merlin, who was frowning, couldn't help but beam as his lover touched him. He lent into his hold and placed his hand over Arthurs.

"We're going to look so stupid," He sighed. Arthur stopped stroking his face, and linked their fingers.

"We can just sway in time to the music, like we said we would..." Arthur whispered reassuringly. He moved their linked hands in position as the DJ announced that they were to begin their first dance. "Don't think about anyone else my love, just me... look into my eyes the entire time,"

"Now that I can do," Merlin said with a slight giggle. Arthur slipped an arm around Merlin's waist, as Merlin rested his hand on Arthurs shoulder. "Ready..." He whispered. Arthur beamed, and nodded at the DJ, his cue to start the music.

_I heard there was a secret chord, that David played and it pleased the lord, but you don't really care for music do ya…_

Merlin and Arthur began swaying, as they said before, in time to the music. Merlin tightened his grip on Arthurs hand as the terror of dancing in public started to take over. Arthur pulled him closer.

"My eyes… look into my eyes," He whispered. Merlin obeyed, and instantly felt at ease.

_Well it goes like this the fourth the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift, the baffled king composing hallelujah…_

Both men were so happy, they were practically laughing. In Merlin's eyes they were the only ones around. To Arthur... well, he was showing off his new husband to the townsfolk.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…_

"Never a truer word spoken," Arthur whispered. Merlin was so lost in Arthurs eyes; all he could do was nod. Arthur had to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing.

_Well your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you…_

"Maybe we should have picked a more fitting song," Arthur whispered with a slight dip in his grin. "Used a song about a gay couple," Merlin blushed.

"This song couldn't be more fitting," he whispered, wishing he had the strength to look away from Arthurs eyes. However, if he did that, he would have to acknowledge the people around them. Arthur raised an eyebrow.

"Oh? And whys that?" Arthur asked.

"I have my reasons," Merlin teased, leaving the matter at that.

_She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair, and from your lips she drew the hallelujah._

"Do tell Merlin," Arthur said. Merlin blushed, if possible, even harder.

"It's stupid…" Merlin stated, his voice indicating he wanted to leave the subject at that. Arthur however, had other ideas.

"I could start to spin us if you'd like Merlin," He said, the smile on his lips now quite cocky and smug.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah_

"Please Arthur, it's really a stupid reason," Merlin begged.

"I'm used to your stupidity Merlin," He said, not able to hold back his laugh this time. Merlin frowned and Arthur forced his facial expressions into a look of understanding and seriousness. "I won't laugh Merlin, I promise,"

_Baby I've been here before, I've seen this room and I've walked this floor, You know, I used to live alone before I knew you_

"I was listening to this song on my iPod…" Merlin began. But he let his sentence trail of. Arthur gave his hand a tiny squeeze.

"Yes..?" Arthurs curiosity now completely brimming over.

"I was listening to this song… the first time I laid eyes on you," Merlin broke eye contact this time. He looked down at their feet as his face lit up with embarrassment.

_And I've seen your flag on the marble arch, and love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah…_

"I… wow… Merlin that's…" Arthur stammered, unable to find the right words to express his feelings on the matter.

"Stupid?" Merlin said, still not looking up. Arthur chuckled. Merlin was half tempted to pull away, but then Arthur spoke.

"The most beautiful and romantic thing ever…" Arthur whispered as he pressed his lips against Merlin's.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah_

The couple had all but stopped swaying as they kissed passionately on the dance floor in front of their friends, family, and the residents of Camelot. A course of 'Woo's' and 'Aww's' filled the room.

_Well there was a time when you let me know, what's really going on below, but now you never show that to me do you…_

Finally, Arthur pulled away. Merlin meet his eyes with his own once again. All the embarrassment and worry before, now a distant memory.

"You meant that?" Merlin questioned, his eyes wide in anticipation.

"Of course you silly man… you really do make me wonder sometimes Merlin… did you by chance, sell your brain?" Arthur teased. Merlin kicked him.

"Prat!"

_But remember when I moved in you, and the holy dove was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah… _

"I remember when I moved in you…" Merlin teased his grin taking over his entire face. Arthur blushed.

"Ssshh!" Arthur hissed, glancing around to make sure nobody heard. "Not in public… you're my bitch in public… remember that!"

"Oh yes Mr. Major… but who was bitch in our limo ride here?" Merlin asked, giggling like a school boy.

"Me…" Arthur said, blushing even more so, yet grinning at the same time.

_Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah_

"Correct my lovely wife," Merlin mocked.

"Hey!" Arthur said, laughing out loud. "You're the wife my dear Merlin,"

"And what makes you say that?" Merlin asked, tilting his head to the side as he did so.

_Well maybe there's a god above, but all I've ever learned from love, was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you…_

"Just because you haven't found the courage to tell me yet, doesn't mean I don't know!" Arthur said. Merlin looked at him, his face a picture of complete confusion.

"Told you what exactly…?" he asked, really at a loss as to what his husband was implying.

"That you're pregnant," Arthur said, a slight tone of annoyance lacing his voice.

"WHAT?"

_And it's not a cry that you hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light, it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah…_

"You're having a baby Merlin! Come on, you know it!" Arthur said. He was frowning now, why was Merlin lying.

"Just because I have the ability too, doesn't mean that I am!" Merlin scoffed, his eyebrows raised.

"But you are Merlin… right?" Arthur wasn't as sure now. Merlin did see totally surprised by the direction the conversation had gone in.

"Not that I know of…" He whispered, thoughtfully. At the same time, he fought back the beautiful idea of Arthur and himself being the family they had so longed to be. "What makes you assume that I am?"

_Hallelujah…_

"You're glowing," Arthur said, his voice overflowing with pride.

_Hallelujah…_

"I am?" Merlin asked, unable to hide the hope in his voice.

_Hallelujah…_

"Beautifully so…" Arthur whispered affectionately.

_Hallelujah…_

"I could take a test," Merlin said.

_Hallelujah…_

"I'll get you one after the songs over," Arthur whispered.

_Hallelujah…_

"So you can be proved right?"

_Hallelujah…_

"No! So I can inform everyone of your joyful news before we go on our honeymoon," Arthur said, acting as though the answer should have been obvious.

_Hallelujah…_

"Oh… right… okay," Merlin said, really hoping that he was…

_Hallelujah…_

"Told you that you were the wife," Arthur laughed.

_Hallelujah…_

"Haha, very funny," Merlin said, yet be beamed.

_Hallelujah…_

"Idiot,"

_Hallelujah…_

"Prat!"

_Hallelujah…_

"I love you for it, you know that right?" Arthur whispered, serious now.

_Hallelujah…_

"Yes, and I love you despite it," Merlin said. Arthur said no more, he simply kissed him.

_Hallelujah…_

As soon as the song ended, Arthur ran from the room as fast as he legs would carry him. People called out after him, but he ignored them all. Everyone instead, turned their attention to Merlin, each taking the time to congratulate him and hug him. He was barely aware of their presence. All he cared about now was the idea that there could be a life growing inside of him.

Although Arthur only took five minutes, it felt like a life time to Merlin. But not as much of a lifetime as the few minutes after Merlin peed on the little white stick. Neither he, nor Arthur spoke as they waited. They simply held each other, all the while wishing that the outcome would be positive.

Finally, after only 2 minutes, Arthur could take no more. He reached out and looked at the test, then compared the results to the instructions. Again and again he checked, not once saying anything to Merlin. Nor did he give any sign of what the results might be.

"Well..?" Merlin asked after a full minute of it. Arthur simply beamed.

"You're going to have a baby..."


	2. The Minor Fall

Hallelujah 2/4 - _The minor fall _

Since people on both this site, and livejournal asked, here's a second part to Hallelujah. It's not really a songfic, but kind of is…

**

"It's a girl!" A scrubs wearing Arthur announced as Merlin gave one final push. Merlin sighed happily as a scream broke the air. Finally 56 hours of labour were over. His and Arthur's a baby was finally here. "You're brilliant Merlin," Arthur whispered as he kissed his husbands sweaty forehead. Merlin chuckled.

"Did you have a stroke at any point in the last few days?" He asked. Arthur didn't respond, for, at that very second, their daughter was laid out on Merlin's chest. "Hey beautiful…" Merlin whispered as he lend down to kiss his daughters head. She immediately burst into tears.

"Idiot!" Arthur scoffed affectionately. However Merlin looked so at ease with their daughter, he couldn't help but beam. Suddenly life was perfect.

"What shall we call her?" Merlin whispered later that day. Their daughter slept in a cot beside him. Merlin was yet to sleep, despite his prolonged labour. He'd spent the last few hours just watching his baby... holding her, talking to her, and, occasionally talking to Arthur. When _he _was awake that is.

"I think we should name her after me," Arthur said boastfully as he thrust his chest out in an important sort of way.

"I'm not calling my daughter 'Prat'" Merlin said with a grin. Arthur half felt like scolding him, but then looked at his eyes. His eyes that were sparkling in wonderment and happiness, yet eyes that were ringed with shadows that reminded him Merlin hadn't slept in days.

"I was kidding Merlin. If anything, we should name her after you... she looks like you after all," Arthur said, carefully reaching out to stroke his sleeping daughter's dark hair.

"She has your eyes..." Merlin whispered smiling as he looked into those that belonged to Arthur. Arthur blushed.

"I didn't notice," He said, embarrassed at the admission. Merlin laughed.

"I would tell you off, but I've barely let you lay a hand on her. And when I did, she was sleeping," He said. Arthur laughed.

"You've carried her for nine whole months, I can understand that letting go now is the hardest thing," Arthur whispered. He slipped his hand into Merlin's and rubbed his fingers with his thumb. Merlin gave his hand a squeeze.

"I like Avalon" Merlin whispered as he looked down at his daughter once again. "Avalon Pendragon,"

**

Merlin paced the room as he rocked a month old Avalon in his arms. It was 7am, and she had been up, and crying, since 5. Merlin was shattered. This was his first night alone with Avalon and he was struggling. He had already been up with her 3 times in the night and had slept very little. Now she was up again, and was refusing to settle. Normally, Arthur would take her for her 5am feeding, as he had to be up for work at 5.30am anyway, however, tonight he was away on business and Merlin was alone.

"What's wrong baby? he whispered for what felt like the hundredth time. He wished his magic's could allow him to communicate with his new-born daughter, but unfortunately for him, she seemed to have some kind of shield that stopped his magic from penetrating her brain. Merlin was unsure as to whether he found this a good thing, or a bad thing. Right now it seemed like the worst thing in the world, he wished that he knew what was wrong with her.

"I know you want Arthur Avy, I know, but he's not here," Merlin whispered, his patience on the edge. He felt like he hadn't slept in days, and Avalon was showing no signs of stopping. By 8am Merlin had had enough. He had feed his daughter, changed her, burped her, bathed her... EVERYTHING! And still, here she was in his arms, hysterical, inconsolable.

"WHY WON'T YOU GO TO SLEEP!" Merlin screamed as he gave Avalon the tiniest of shakes. Avalon stopped for a few seconds, blinked, and then began her uncontrollable sobs yet again. "Oh god..." Merlin whispered. "What have I done?" Merlin felt hot bile rise in his throat due to the sheer disgust at himself at what he had just done. Tears stung his eyes, and, no matter how hard he blinked, he could not focus his blurry vision. He placed baby Avalon in her crib, and fled the room. Only when alone, on his and Arthurs martial bed, did he allow himself to sob his heart out, the sound of which, mirrored his daughters, that is until his strength gave way and he fell asleep.

**

It was getting dark that night, when Arthur arrived home. Merlin was just settling Avalon down to bed when he walked in the door, and yet again, she was refusing to settle. So consumed by Avalon was he, that Merlin did not notice Arthur behind him, only realising his presence when his husband slipped his arms around his waist and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Hey Merlin..." he whispered as he kissed his husbands cheek. Merlin did not speak, simply nodded. "She being fussy tonight?" Arthur whispered. Merlin blinked away a tear that he was sure Arthur could not see, and nodded. He did not trust himself to open his mouth. His voice would reveal how much pain this was causing him. _If he could not take care of his daughter, what kind of person did that make him?_"I'll take her sweetie, you look shattered, go and lie down," Arthur said as he scooped his daughter out of Merlin's arms.

"I'm fine, really," Merlin whispered. He watched as Arthur cooed at and rocked their daughter affectionately. He had a smile planted firmly on his lips, looking so happy, it was as if he hadn't seen his family in weeks and not just overnight.

"Hey Avy, did you miss daddy? Did you? Daddy missed you, yes he did," Arthur cooed as he rubbed his nose against Avalon's. Avalon stopped sobbing, and simply gurgled in Arthur's arms instead. "That's my girl," Arthur said. Avalon took this opportunity to reach up, and tug at Arthurs hair. "Ow, baby no, daddy likes his hair..." he said as he gently pulled her fingers away. He walked over to Merlin, and held her out to him. Merlin smiled slightly, and went to grab her. "Pull mummy's hair instead," Arthur said.

"You hold onto her Arthur!" he said as he held his hands up defensively. Arthur laughed and cooed at Avalon again.

"Aww baby, mummy's scared off you, yes she is..." Arthur said. Before Merlin could reply however, Avalon gave Arthur the smallest of smiles. Her first smile. "Merlin! Did you see that? She smiled, she smiled!" Merlin gave a faint nod as Arthur cooed and congratulated their daughter. As happy as he was that his daughter had smiled for the first time, he couldn't help but feel jealous. He was the one who took care of Avalon, him, not Arthur! And yet Arthur was the one to stop her crying, Arthur was the one who made her smile... Merlin felt a deep black shadow of despair fill his body and he slipped from the room before Arthur could see.

Alone in the bathroom, Merlin allowed a few tears to fall. He held back the sobs that were threatening to overtake him, for fear that Arthur would hear him. He could not let Arthur see how much he was struggling. He did not want Arthur to think him weak, and unfit parent or a bad person. Merlin however, had to do something to deal with the overwhelming urge to sob. Try as he might, the feeling would not leave him. He tried to think of a spell that might help him, but could think of none. Feelings and emotions were a persons' own, and could not be meddled with. If magic is used to alter someone's' feelings or emotions, they must face the most terrible of consequences. Such as never being able to love again. Merlin was at the point where he seriously considered just letting his emotions overcome him, when he spotted it. His razor. Unlike Arthur, who used an electric razor, Merlin used an old fashioned plastic razor, that needed its blade changing every few shaves. When new, the blades were sharp and slipped into his flesh like a hot knife to butter. He knew this, as every time he changed the blade, he managed to cut his fingers. As he stared at the blade, Merlin remembered the time where he had cut open his finger while angry or upset. He remembered how the feeling went away in an instant as his brain became consumed by the pain and the need to clean the cut. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. He should cut himself. If he did, he would feel pain, and thus he would forget about everything he was feeling. Merlin carefully picked up a spare blade and examined it for a second, fear swirling in the pit of his stomach. Fear, and also anticipation and hope. Dare he cut himself? Would it ever work?

"Merlin?" Arthurs call scared him. He hadn't realised how long he had been in the bathroom. He thought about just going straight out to Arthur, but knew he would be unable to mask the fact that he was upset. He knew in that instant, that he would have to cut himself. He could not, would not allow Arthur to see him in such a state.

"I'll be right out Arthur," he called. As he did so, he swiped the blade over his upper arm in one swift movement, knowing he would not have to think about it in that second, meaning he could not change his mind, or ponder is options too much longer. Merlin felt no pain, and for a few seconds, wondered if he had even cut himself. Then he felt it. An oozing warm liquid that was slowly dripping down his arm. He glanced down to see a small, thin shallow cut on his arm. Merlin was surprised that it didn't hurt, disappointed even. He had just cut his arm with a razor blade, surely it should hurt! He took the blade in his hand again, and dragged it over the wound he had just made. He felt the slightest sting as the cut deepened, and hissed. As he hissed, he felt all the negativity in him drain away, replaced by adrenaline, and his body's natural painkillers. Suddenly, in that second, everything was alright agin.

"Merlin, sweetie, you okay?" came Arthurs voice, along with a knock on the door. Merlin jumped and threw the blade away.

"_Sedminium Hestoup" _he whispered. Merlin's eyes flashed gold, and the blood on his arm disappeared, the cut, replaced by a scar that could have been there for years. Merlin opened the door, and was meet with the sight of Arthur's worried face. "Sorry, I had some bad chicken earlier, felt a little sick," he whispered. Arthur frowned and pulled Merlin into his arms.

"Poor baby," he whispered, as a wave of guilt hit Merlin.


End file.
